Sixteen

A werewolf woke Gary Muffinson.

"You left your window open, Gary," said the wolf. "You must be more careful about that kind of thing. I should know. As a night monster, I rely on happy little boys and girls who play in the sun for my vitamin D. I can smell from your deliciousness that you enjoy a healthy dose of sunlight everyday."

"Mom? Dad?" said Gary. "There's a giant wolf in my room."

"Oh, your parents already know I'm here, Gary," said the wolf. "And they can hear you fine without yelling. Isn't that so, Mr. and Mrs. Muffinson?"

"—mumble, mumble," said Mrs. Muffinson, from within the wolf's belly.

"—mumble, mumble," said Mr. Muffinson.

"I ate them first so I could digest you with no further distraction," said the wolf. "What? What was that? Who would knock at this late hour? You wait here, Gary, while I get rid of whoever is at the door."


"Bothering these people in the middle of the night is a waste of time," said Brian.

"I smell the wolf," said Spot. "To show the haunches to the pack hunter is no casual lapse. And the king is free no longer to run from the challenges, have no care."

"I hear someone," said Mimbleshaw. "Stall for time, human. Try to not get eaten."

"Not get what?" said Brian.

"Yes, what is it," said the wolf in pink. "You. How can I help you."

"Hi, I'm here to collect for the paper?" said Brian who then noticed the mailbox label. "Mrs. Muffinson, I can't help but notice what a big nose you have."

"The better to smell you with, young man," said the wolf. "You don't get much sun, do you?"

"Not while it gives you skin cancer," said Brian. "And Mrs. Muffinson, I also can't help but notice what big teeth you have."

"The better to bite off your head," said the wolf. "Like any snack crunchy on the outside, soft and stupid on the inside. Now cancel my subscription and go away." The wolf returned to find his meal gone by way of his bedroom window.

"You have no escape, Gary," said the wolf, who then pulled back into the room instead a chimp and a little spotted dog. "I can't eat you all right now. I was ready for the boy. You'll have to wait your turn."

"Surrender, Monsieur le Wolf," said Spot. "And evacuate yourself of the parents. We surround you, no? I am the King of the World."

"Stay back," said the wolf, who then grabbed Brian as he entered the room. "Stay back or I'll bite off his head."

"Monsieur le Brian," said Spot. "Jump into the mouth of the wolf."

"Jump where?" said Brian. "I thought we were here to keep things out of his mouth."

"Now, Monsieur le Brian," said Spot. "Against the toil like the fox. Against the wolves like the lion. Le roar. Le snarl."

"Mumble, mumble?" said Brian from within the wolf. "Mumble, mumble, mumble."

"Escape now through the smooth intestines of the canine," said Spot.

"Mumble mumble, mumble mumble, mumble mumble?" said Brian.

"No," said Spot. "You must leave through the smooth canine intestines right away, too soon to digest you."

"Mumble mumble," said Brian.

"The intestines are not smooth?" said Spot.

"Mumble mumble," he said. "Mumble mumble, mumble mumble, mumble mumble."

"No, no, Monsieur le Brian," said Spot. "Speak to me not of the nooks and crannies."

"Your Majesty," said Mimbleshaw. "He is a werewolf. A wolf on the outside, human on the inside."

"Sacre bleu," said Spot, who then found a dental floss dispenser.

"What will you do with that?" said the wolf. "Floss me to death?" As the wolf roared evil laughter, Spot leaped into his mouth.

"Your Majesty," said Mimbleshaw. "Are you alright?"

"Le mumble," said Spot. "Le mumble, le mumble, le mumble mumble."

"The floss is secure, Your Majesty," said Mimbleshaw.

"Le mumble mumble," said Spot. Mimbleshaw slammed the door. Spot, Brian, and the Muffinsons were pulled from the wolf.

"—phew," said Gary from the lattice outside his window. "I smell dog breath."

"I'm a werewolf," he said. "At the full moon I need to eat people to turn back human."

"Have you ever thought about remaining a wolf?" said Brian.


Two months later, Gary Muffinson spotted the werewolf employed at the amusement park. The other kids scoffed at how fake his costume looked.